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| The Growing Pains of Lucy Vialli |
| Posted on 01/12/03 at 07:49 by Samuel Buck It |
Part the First
When Lucy Vialli was not two buckleps old, her/his auld Da took her/him to the local blacksmith for to have her/his horse hooves shaved.
When Lucy Vialli was nearing three she/he was changed to Mick McCarthy by a malevolent solicorating forummer from Belfast with a sprig of unlucky barrister wig. Lucy spent the years between being born and being turned into a mad man-boy-girl as an act in a travelling freak show until the day, about three weeks after her/his fifth birthday, she/he fell down a badger hole near Clonmel outside the Hill of Tipperary.
Well, what do you think happened her/him then? I don't know, but I'll make it up and see where we go with it.
Well anyway, down and down the badger hole she/he fell like a red headed Alice. Past the Mad Hatter (aRDEE MAN), past the mock turtle (fred elliot), past the Cheshire Cat (Bert) 'til eventually she landed in a field of dancing mouses and taught them all the way of the hermaphrodite.
Her/His favourite mice was a wee Donegal scritcher by the name of Fitzcarraldo. Fitzcarraldo was a simple mice with ambitions for to buck all the little girl mouses in the field and maybe even beyond. Lucy Vialli really liked Fitzcarraldo but he wasn't too sure about her/him. He spent many a long lonely wintry night in Galway and Donegal debating the merits or nay of bucking Lucy. He eventually (and wisely, says your Sanachee) decided not to bother tarnishing himself with her/him.
Anyway, she/he decided to carry on through the mad badger hole in the county of Tipperary until eventually she/he happened upon an oak tree wherein lived a malevolent pixie chucker by the name of costigan. Now costigan was one seriously dull, repetitive dude who was obsessed with inane stories about zane and Wafty O'Lohan and his girlfriend who was called 'gf'. Lucy sae the bold costiganpixiechucker and was right turned on, but Lucy wasn't a pixie, no she/he was a horse mangirl thing and costigan just about didn't want anything to do with the beast.
Lucy wasn't really having much luck finding the ride so eventually she/he found a wee underground (inside the badger hole) internet cafe where she plugged in her hair extensions and dialled up for cupwinkcook.com. "Jeepers," she/he said, "Surely I'll find some poor lepper to jump amongst all these renegades..."
And so, Lucy continued her/his hunt for a cunt.
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