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| Jan Koller Gets A Promotion |
| Posted on 19/11/03 at 10:49 by krapp |
Jan Koller was a son of a bitch about all the people he ever met. He would sail through his life on like a kinda of mental airboard thing just thinking that everyone except Bernard Creoscrote was like totally mental and risky. Jan Koller was like a washout or a wave that doesn't break; he was like with no reason to say all the crazy things he did apart from the fact that he was just about probably the number one lying dude at the newspaper.
Jan Koller had this kinda really kinky hair, sort of like a cross between Ivan Campo and Rory McGrath only it was long. Really long. It came down to about his knees and he just didn't know how in the hell he was supposed to tie it back. All the rubber bands he got from the charity shop just snapped or tangled in his hair and totally ripped his hairs out at the root. Just totally big mad crazy hair. He was a son of a bitch to his hairdresser who was also his boss. But he was like a totally righteous dude to all the other people he worked with because they thought he was cool with his hair and his shirts and his crazy headlines.
He was sitting in class or work one day and his boss asked him to write a headline about Shane Ritchie hosting a new quiz show where all the contestants were flids or gay. Jan, to be truthful, was totally useless at his job where he had to write headlines for a television magazine so he went onto his favourite (second favourite) website - cupwinkcook.com where all these socially retarded freaks and Bert hung out.
Anyway, Jan asked all the guys whether they could come up with a headline for this totally whack story in the magazine. Of course all the guys thought they were swell coming up with all kinds of zany headlines. And TheMadHun even offered to print them on a t-shirt and get Shallyman to model them on the forum gallery.
So, Jan went back to his boss and showed him all the crazy assorted headlines that the guys off the forum had offered. His boss took one look at Jan and his hair and told him to stop bothering him.
So Jan was like totally confused at this point and totally off the rails. He sent a text to Croesus asking him for a witheringly witty, snide comment to print in the magazine and Croesus told him to write something extraordinary. This is what Jan did and on Saturday, the magazine was published and Jan saw the headline for the Shane Ritchie show and it said something like "DO YOU LIKE GAY?" and well, Jan's boss saw the paper and totally didn't know what to do.
Anyway on Monday when Jan was bringing in the boss his tea and crayons he asked his boss what he thought about the headline and his boss told him it was magic and that he will be promoted. So now Jan is in charge of the Chocolate fingers and sometimes he brings his chocolate fingers round to Croesus' house.
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