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| Halliwell - Total Twat |
| Posted on 13/11/03 at 04:19 by Dead Ball Descendant |
If I have ever been appalled by anything that has crawled out of the entire fillum industry, I was not at the knob-wrenching excesses of Last House on the Left. The feacal feasting of Pink Flamingos would leave me unmoved. I could even take an hour and a half of Meg Ryan without needing to climb the local clock tower with an armalite strapped to my back. What really gets my fucking goat is Halliwell. Halliwell/Halliwells, why make the cunt plural? His 'Fillum Guide' was the most repressed pile of piss since the Hayes Code. He was not a man to tolerate sex and violence in a fillum, oh no. The idiot probably made his testicles sleep in seperate beds. Of course, he gave The Godfather the ultimate three stars because he was never one to contradict the Academy. The non-Oscar winning Raging Bull however? "Violent and alienating" A boxing fillum, violent.. well jebus. Apocalypse Now apparently enjoys "interesting parallels with Heart of Darkness" well dur...
The most bladder-strainingly annoying thing about the fortunately deceased git, however, was his obsession with cacky romcoms from the immediate post-war era. I challenge you to plonk yerself on the sofa and run through a few of these abysmal schmaltz-fests. The acting is invariably so wooden you wish they'd left a bit of 4x2 over on which to crucify the director. Then check out Halliwell's score for the fucker. It'll be a two or three. It certainly won't be descrobed as "uninteresting" like The Shining apparently was.
Tell you what fillum fans, Groundhog Day is the greatest romcom ever made and Halliwell wouldn't have crossed the road for it. Dead twat.
Keep rubbish old black and white bollocks and its middle England/middle American dialogue/sensibilities where they belong - not sure where that is mind. Except for about a few which are half decent. More than a few probably, but not as many as people think. That James Dean - he was bollocks an' all. Except for The Misfits. Probably.
(PS : The current Halliwells Fillum Guides have been retrospectively re-edited by Halliwell jnr so that his mates don't kick his head in)
(PPS : I've had a few)
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