| Vegas and the Mermaids |
| Posted on 22/10/03 at 10:25 by krapp |
Johnny Vegas lived in a warren that used to belong to Bugs Bunny. Bugs had left a lot of his masks and clothes in the burrow after he got relocated to the South Forest Projects as part of the "Back to Yer Roots" programme.
Anyway, Johnny Vegas was one totally crazy false-faced dude. He was like a million different pieces of shit all rammed into a sock or I just don't know what else would describe him. Maybe like the bits of skittery wax dribbling down the side of one of those homemade wine bottle candlesticks. Anyway, Johnny Vegas was like a hobbit in a Bugs Bunny home in the forest near Chester.
Right, so Johnny Vegas was really mad about all kinds of things like the little cutie bunny who worked in HR and the stash of masks that Bugs Bunny had left in the alcove beneath the stairs. But what Johnny Vegas was probably the most crazy about was his new home. After living underneath the bath at Merrick's house, he thought that his new warren was probably just about the best place he could think of living (asides from living in a golf course or under the sea or in an episode of Degrassi Junior High).
So Johnny was a happy dude, so happy in fact that he would often go out with some of the local squirrels or bunnies and impress them with just how much of a chilled out entertainer he was. His best bit of entertaining was when he told the story of how he got all the girl squirrels in the forest to laugh at him when he was trying to tell them stuff about himself.
Anyway one other day nearer to now, Johnny was flapping about uselessly, (which is, truth be told just about the best thing Johnny was able to do) and he decided to go and see if he could link his warren to all the other warrens but mostly to the warren where all the mermaids hung out when they came in from the sea. The forest near Chester wasn't far from the sea and Johnny, being a totally rad dude knew that he could charm the fins off of any hot little mermaid that flapped her fishy tail at him. And Johnny liked tail.
So he dug and dug and dug and dug. When he was tired digging with his hand, he used his great teeth, which were, apart from his great ability to entertain, the best thing about him. So he bit all the way from the forest near Chester right the way through to the mermaids' warren and in like nearly no time at all, he plopped through the hole of the warren of the mermaids and rolled down like a little crazy ball into the middle of the mermaids' changing rooms.
Well, the mermaids were like totally blown away by Johnny and he totally charmed them and when he had got all the bits of muck and stone out of his mouth, he introduced the mermaids to little Johnny and they all had a really swell time. But before Johnny left he told them a joke and said that he was totally ace at Playstation. The mermaids then realised that Johnny was a really crazy dude of a thing and jumped out of their warren and flapped along the beach and out to sea, never to be seen again.
Johnny, feeling like a king or something decided to go home back to his warren in the forest near Chester.
When he got home he was in for a totally big shock.
There in his home was Bugs Bunny. Bugs had been told to get out of the Projects because he had stolen a big load of carrots from the Chinese Takeaway and with nowhere left to go, he'd decided to go back to his own home and fight the new occupier to the death. Johnny was ace at charming girl squirrels and mermaids and bunnies but he was totally useless at fighting so Bugs soon had him down on the floor and started gnawing away at his face, making it look a right sight and totally defacing him. Totally.
Johnny, feeling like not a king at all anymore was totally humiliated and just had to go and wander around the forest near Chester for days and days and months and ended up living like a hobo or crazy tramp just totally surviving on scraps of bacon rolls from the bin at the back of McDonald's near Chester.
Johnny used to pretend to be a great totally righteous dude but now he's just a tramp.
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| Comments |
| Posted by ?????? on 08/07/08 |
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| Posted by ??? on 06/07/08 |
| "??????????????(??????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????(???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????5????????????????????????????????????????????????????????=??????,?????????????????�??????????????????????????????????,??????,????????????????,???????????,?????????????,??????????????,???????????????,??????????????,�??,,???????????,???????????????????" |
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| Posted by ???????????? on 05/07/08 |
| "????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????X????????????????????????????????????????????????????????�???????????????????????????????????????????????5???????????????????????????????????????????????,????????????????,??????,??????????????,???????????????????????,????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????�????????????????�???????????????????????????�???????????????�????????????�???????????????????�??8?" |
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