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| PLAYERS SUFFER "THE MANU EFFECT" AS REDFACE BITES |
| Posted on 12/06/06 at 04:54 by ABU |
He may be holidaying in the South of France but as usual this morning Sir Alex Ferguson has managed to make himself and the rags the centre of attention once again. After the reported blazing row between Redface and Sven when he was put firmly in his place by the England manager, the Scottish alcoholic has been licking his wounds and pondering how to exact revenge on those he blames for his clubs failure to win any major trophies for 3 seasons running. The rumours have been flying thick and fast among the journalists in Germany on what manner this revenge would take, But as I can now reveal today, his lunacy has reached new heights and gone even further than the limits of the England squad alone, and now includes all the players who have gone against his word and participated in this World Cup
Several world cup bosses have suffered abusive drunken phone-calls in the early hours of the morning and one manager even informed the German police who quickly traced the call to a Travel-lodge in Lyon. A member of the coaching staff on one of the National Teams affected, and who declined to be named stated "He was ranting and raving, saying how he'll make us pay for picking his player. Jurgen tried to explain that we had no Manchester United players in the squad but he seemed convinced Michael Ballack had signed for them and that just set him off again. We got talking to some of the Brazilian staff the next morning and it seemed he was on the phone to them as well, demanding Ronaldinho came back for treatment .
But this was just the opening salvo in Ferguson's revenge. On Friday morning it has been alleged that all the Rag players on world cup duty each received a registered letter from their Manager in which he states the action the club will take against them if they return to Old Trafford injured. Punishments are said to range from the banning of gimp suits (G. Neville), to the draconian measure of forcing unhappy players to see out their contracts (Ruud Van Nistelrooy). But by far the most disturbing threat received concerns the players living arrangements. At the moment to make life bearable most of the players live out towards the stockbroker belt of Alderley Edge. Sir Alex has now reportedly threatened to force all players to live within the boundries of Sale or Salford if any of them arrive home injured. Several players are reported to be suicidal at the prospect and the effect on their game was there for all to see.
Neville had his worse game for England in a long time; Ruud was a shadow of himself, lethargic and disinterested. Clownaldo after an initial 10 minutes homoerotic cameo where he displayed all the mincing qualities that has football fans all over the country punching their TV screens was subdued and reduced to falling over every time an Angolan player got within 5 yards of him. Mercifully his manager subbed him in the 2nd half and put him out of his misery. Heinze seemed off the pace, and couldn't pass or tackle so not all The Franchise's players seemed affected, but the real test comes as the tournament enters its 2nd week. Will the likes of Neville, Van Nistelrooy and Clownaldo continue their poor form and what state will Rooney be in mentally if he is picked to play? Whatever the outcome, once again Sir Alex has managed to damage Englands as well as other countries chances of winning the world cup
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