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| Another ten minutes: A Window Of Opportunity |
| Posted on 28/07/05 at 05:35 by NGONGE |
There are times in life when a window of opportunity presents itself and forces you to go through the agony of thinking. Autopilot will not do here. This is not an everyday occurrence. This is like your mother-in-law asking you if you loved her, in the presence of the entire family. It forces you to THINK!
Today, I didnt go to work. Instead, I stayed at home and helped my wife and children pack for their week away at my in-laws! My in-laws live 50 miles away from me. We visit them several times a year. They visit us almost everyday. My in-laws are nice people, or so my wife says. They never cause me any trouble. They never annoy me but they annoy my wife. This makes my wife cry and when my wife cries, she cries on my shoulder. I like my wife and never like to see her cry. I dont mind lending her my shoulder to occasionally cry on. But, and I dont think Im being selfish here at all, I think my shoulder was made for greater things. Some people carry stars on their shoulders; some carry the weight of the world and some even have monkeys on their shoulders! I have my wifes tears on my shoulders! I often agonise about meeting the guy with the weight of the world on his shoulder or the one with the stars or even the one with the monkey. Ive thought of a million retorts to their predictable and soul destroying jibe of your shoulder is wet. I still could not find a good enough one. I once thought I had a good answer in saying these are the tears of an angle . But I dismissed that reply straightaway when I pictured the three guys (and the monkey) begin to do a Motown dance and sing tears of a clown. If this should happen in real life, I would have to avenge my honour by fighting back. I cant fight three guys and a monkey on my own. This is why I had to reluctantly admit that my wife was no angel.
This week, I shall be home alone. No wife and no children. No bedtimes and no stories. No fight over the remote control or quality time. This week does not happen often. This is the window of opportunity that I need to take advantage of. But what should I do?
Ive always thought about an opportunity like this. I thought about pretending to be single again. I thought about eating a take-away everyday and not doing any cleaning. I thought about leaving the toilet seat up. However, now that I got the opportunity to do all these things, Im not as excited as I thought I would be. They are going away for a whole week! That is SEVEN days of 24 hours each. What will I do? How will I cope? What will I eat? I am, after all, a superstitious man of habit.
I was packing my daughters bag as I had these thoughts. I thought about asking my wife about leaving one of the kids behind. I thought about her reaction to such an absurd request and decided not to bother asking. I berated myself for showing my weakness and almost making a fool out of myself. In my anger at myself, I kicked my daughters ball that was lying on the floor next to me. Oh, no! Wilson might come handy in my hours of solitude.
I finished packing and put all their things in the car. I helped my wife feed the kids and then helped her take them to the car too and make sure that their seat belts are fastened. All those hours of crying on shoulder were of use after all! Or else, how could she know that I have a habit of dropping my shoulder like a Brazilian showing off with a ball when Im upset? She asked me if I was ok. I told her that I was fine. She offered to postpone the trip if I wanted her to. I told her not to be silly. She asked me if I was ok again. I told her that I was great. She said that I was not and that when I used the word great to describe my feelings she knew I was really upset. She decided that this was her fault and promptly lay her head on my shoulder and forced a cry. The Brazilian dropped the ball.
After convincing my wife that Im ok and waving her off, I returned into the house, alone. It felt strange! The rooms looked bigger and the silence was eerie. I coughed loudly and heard the echo of my cough reverberate all over the house. I sat down to watch TV but the silence was driving me crazy. I put the volume up but the silence was driving me crazy. I did two press-ups, took some time to recover and tried again but the silence was still driving me crazy. I started talking to myself loudly. It worked! The silence was gone. I got bored of talking to myself and fetched Wilson. After an hour of talking to him about life and the universe I kicked him away. Only a mad man would talk to a ball really.
I was tired of talking, so I sat down and thought about the week ahead. I decided to think rationally about ways to cope with my loneliness. Im going to be home alone for a full week. Lonely people seek other people. Im going to live a single mans life for a week. Single men seek women. After long deliberation, I reached the conclusion that Ill have to cheat on my wife, Im not gay.
Although I have not met her yet, I already know the women Im going to cheat with. Her name is Rumiko Takeshita. She is Japanese and single. She is staying in the London Intercontinental Hotel, room 233. She has lovely long black hair, captivating brown eyes and a mouth-watering figure. Her hands are slender, nose tiny and lips like a walrus mud wrestling a baby seal. Rumiko is a Geisha that happens to be in London for only one week and is after a good time.
I had to sort out the practicalities of this affair. Do I bring Rumiko to my house or do I go and see her in the hotel? If I bring her to the house, Ill have to be very careful and make sure that none of the neighbours see her. Ill have to make sure that she never uses the phone and never buys any shopping with new exotic items that might stay in the fridge for more than a week. Ill have to convince her that Im allergic to perfume and make sure she never uses any.
Maybe its best if I met her in her hotel room. But, what if she asked me to stay the night? What if my wife kept on phoning me at home and never finding me? What if she phones on my mobile and hears Rumikos voice in the background? What if Rumiko sees my mobile phone and asks me for the number? I dont want her to have the number. This was supposed to be a watertight affair that lasted one week. Im not so unprofessional as to leave such loose ends. Its clearly obvious that a one-week affair is not a sustainable idea. Ill have to abandon the idea.
But, since Im already here and Rumiko is already there, shouldnt I at least try on the item, even if Im not buying? I decided that it would be a shame to waste such a window of opportunity, so I got dressed and was on my way to the hotel. Poor Rumiko does not know of the typhoon thats about to hit her. In years to come, shell be telling her grandchildren about the man that came from the West (of London) and swept her of her feet. I started having some impure thoughts about Rumiko and started feeling guilty. Where a minute ago I was walking proudly and was surefooted, now I was miserable, guilty and the Brazilian guy was back with his ball.
I have never met Rumiko. I dont want to ever meet Rumiko. The temptation to cheat on my wife might have been there but I would never cheat with someone like Rumiko. Rumiko is an easy lay and I cant stand easy women. I like a woman to chase, flirt with and sweet-talk. I want one that would reject me and play hard to get but my great charm and perseverance would bring her panting to my feet. Such women can not be found in a week, some even not in months and months. I only have one week, so women, it seems, are out of the question.
I got me a take-away and went back home to apologise to Wilson.
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