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| Another ten minutes - Autopilot |
| Posted on 20/06/05 at 10:34 by NGONGE |
In life, many people pass their time mostly going on autopilot! When driving, you go through the gear sequences without even realising or noticing! When shaving, you bring the razor to your face and shave away with no fear at all! When running, you run as fast as you can without worrying about falling (though some people might hold on to their pockets, or chests if youre female, as they run). People climb high buildings, cross busy roads and get on big metal airplanes that fly in the sky! Its all done on autopilot (not the plane, though that too, Im told, can go on autopilot). The first time any of us performed any of these activities we were all focused and paying attention. A razor can cause cuts, not getting the gear sequence right might result in you driving into a wall that is part of an infants school and injuring the lot of them, badly (or so the worry was back then). The first time you tried to run, like everyone else before you and after you, you fell on your backside and it hurt like hell. Likewise when you climbed a high place.
When we try a task once and work out a way of achieving it, we put it in a compartment in our memory where Autopilot can access it and get on with running our lives. Even thinking has an Autopilot. The Earth is round, drinking bleach might kill you, carrots are good for your eyesight and spinach, whilst it might not turn you into Popeye the sailor man, will still make you healthy and strong. For most of us, the memory compartments only contain the instructions and not the detail. If all these things were true the first time round, there is no need to know why they were true and how. All thats needed is to have the confidence that such things are true. Autopilot comes with confidence.
I am a confident man. The other day, during my lunch hour, I was walking to the local sandwich shop to purchase my lunch. As I walked past this empty phone box, the phone started ringing! I looked around to see if anyone was going to pick it up but there was nobody near the phone. I wondered if the phone call was for me! I shook that idea out of my head. It came back again! What if my friends (or family) knew that I was walking past that phone box right there and then? After all, I am a superstitious man of habit!
I quickly ran to the phone box and opened the door. I glanced around me to see if anyone else was about but saw nobody. The phone was still ringing. Maybe it was an emergency! I picked up the receiver and slowly brought it closer to my ear. There was no sound! I blew into the receiver. I heard a faint crackle on the other side! I blew again. Nothing happened! I whistled the first few bars from Stevie Wonders famous eighties song. Whoever was on the other side must have liked that song; they whistled the second part of the song! I wanted to ask them if they were into eighties music and was just about to mention that song with the guy singing HELLO to the blind woman who ended up sculpting an exact likeness of his face even though she never saw him (because shes blind) or got to touch his face! I stopped myself. Theyre the ones that called and Autopilot says they have to speak first.
An interesting silence followed for a few more seconds. I could hear their muffled breathing on the other side. I deliberately started breathing heavily. The HELLO song was still playing in my head; once autopilot retrieves something its hard to send it back. My breathing started to sound like the HELLO song! Huh-Ho Ha-Ha Haa Huh Hooo. I stopped right there and waited. Again, they replied with the second part of the song. She didnt know it at the time, but from her breathing and the way she did that song out of tune, I knew that the person on the other side of the phone was a woman. Rarely do men attempt to sing when they know they cant. Women on the other hand, all think theyre the best singers in the world. Thats an autopilot truth.
I was about to start breathing down the phone again when I noticed a man walking past! What if he saw me breathing down the phone and his autopilot told him that Im a stalker? He gave me a funny look but carried on walking. I had to hurry this thing up and disappear before he returned with a legion of armed police officers. Sometimes circumstances necessitate the overruling of autopilot, which is exactly what I did as I nervously uttered the word HELLO! She didnt reply. I said HELLO again. I heard her clear her throat. I said, are you there? I heard someone say, who is this?
Autopilot encouraged caution. She was a stranger and there was no real need to give her my real name. A passer-by, I said. A passer by? She said! Yes, I said.
I dont understand, she said. Who are you? I said. She was silent for a couple of seconds then I heard her attempting to suppress a giggle. Hello? I said. Hello, she said. Who did you say you were, I said. A Caller, she said! Very clever, I thought. How can I help you, I said. Why would you want to help me? She said! Damn autopilot, I thought.
This was a new experience for me. Autopilot was playing up and I had to face the world all on my own! Before I even did that, I had to deal with this woman on the other side of the phone! When I used to smoke, I could blow great smoke rings. Can you blow smoke rings? I said. She started giggling again. I used to be able to do the splits, I said. She giggled some more. What style hair do you have? I said. Pigtails, she said giggling. Nice, I said. She didnt thank me!
An old woman was standing outside the phone box. I smiled at her but she ignored me! I got back on the phone and said, I got to go now; someone needs the phone. Who? She said. An old lady, I said. What old lady? She said. The one outside this phone box, I said. So this is a phone box? She said. Yes it is, I said.
Were you expecting a call? She said. No, I was passing by when you called, I said. Do you always answer phones that ring, she said. Only my own or empty phone boxes, I said. Do you always phone empty phone boxes? I said. Yes, she said. Why? I said. Its my job, she said. Your job? I said. Yes, she said.
What a strange job, I said. Indeed, she said. The old lady is getting restless, I said. I can imagine, she said. It was nice talking to you, I said. You too, she said.
Will you be phoning this number again? I said. Maybe, she said. If you phone again, will you like me to pick it up? I said. Thatll be very nice, she said.
Ok, I said. Take care, she said.
I hung up the phone and walked out. As the old woman was trying to walk into the phone box, I shook my head at her and told her that the phone was faulty. There is a note on the phone now with the words out of order . Just like my autopilot.
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