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| Another ten minutes - Advice |
| Posted on 07/06/05 at 05:10 by NGONGE |
Films, drama, novels and even cartoons play havoc with our minds. They present us with situations and scenarios that become our reference points on anything that we do in life. I now know what to do if I was stuck in a desert island; I wouldnt call the ball Wilson but Id probably copy everything else Tom Hanks did in his film about being washed up on some island. I know not to annoy the mafia. I know that, in sport, its the taking part that really counts but that if I really tried Im going to prevail! My experience in dealing with aliens is awesome. Even when it comes to sex and how it should be done I now, shamefully, know what goes where, when, how and at what angle!
Last month, I received an e-mail from an old female friend of mine. It was a pleasant e-mail telling me all her news and all the developments in her life in the past five years. I instantly replied and updated her on my own news and life. The following day, I received another friendly e-mail! Again, I replied. The day after, I received another e-mail but this time she asked for my phone number. This was/ is not a story about love, attraction or lust. I knew she was not interested in me and I never viewed her in that way. Well, maybe never is a strong word - I didnt view her in that way, not often anyway.
We spoke on the phone and I was genuinely happy to hear her voice after all that time. She too was happy to hear my voice. In fact, she was so happy she developed a habit of calling me three times a day. At first, the calls were gossipy, pleasant and chatty. However, after what she deemed to be an acceptable period of time, she started sharing her problems with me! I had to advice her on everything. The problems she initially had were not that serious. She complained about people at work that she didnt get on with and how theyre making life hell for her. I advised her to seek a new job. Most mortals would read that and think, I could have thought of this! But, could you have delivered the thought as masterfully and delicately as I have?
Everyday was a crisis and I had to come to the rescue! I was her hero, her rock and she would not have known what to do if I was not there! Now, I would like to believe that Im a helpful person and that Id go out of my way to make other peoples lives comfortable. Ive also grown increasingly convinced of my superhero traits. In addition, as long as I watch TV and read novels, I also know that Im not likely to ever be lost for words when it comes to dispensing advice. Of course, I would never be so common or vulgar as to use obvious cliches like those found in Bridget Jones Diaries and the like! Still, this girl was starting to get on my super nerves. I had to give her one of my legendary lectures. I dont have the time or space to recount my words here, but they included bits from Rocky, Rambo, Predator, Enter The Dragon, Home & Away and a very touching moment from Laurel and Hardy. She told me that she got the message and that she will try to stand on her own feet from now on. She thanked me for all my help and promised to be in touch! I have not spoken to her for a full week!
Naturally, I got worried and wondered if shes done something silly to herself. I later reminded myself that only girls in love with me contemplate suicide, this one was not in love with me, I think. The feeling was not sudden or immediate. I suspect that it was building up inside me from the first time she discussed one of her problems with me! However, now it was a real complete feeling. I was worried that someone else was now her adviser and that this someone else might be mistakenly deemed better than me! How could she do this to me? How could I do this to myself? How could I do this to her? Could she recover from such a damaging experience?
Yesterday, I phoned her! She seemed very distant and cold on the phone. She gave me one word replies and acted restless. I told her to forget about my lecture and that we should pretend that it never took place. She quietly chuckled (triumphantly perhaps) and told me that it was all forgotten. I asked her if there was anything she wanted advice on. I told her not to be shy and that as her friend it was my duty to do all I can to help. She lied and said that she had no problems that she needed to discuss with me! I hung up the phone and wondered if it was over between us. Now, I was convinced that she found someone else!
Im going to phone her later today. Im not going to mince my words anymore. Ill tell her that there is no point in being friends if she cheats on me. Ill politely ask her to reveal the identity of her secret adviser! If she agrees to tell me his (or her) name and give me a sample of some of the advice he (she) gave her then our friendship will continue. If she refuses! I dont know what Ill do if she refuses. I dont think she will refuse. My powers of persuasion are legendary. Plus, I could always bug her phone.....
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