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| Straight walking! |
| Posted on 24/04/05 at 07:45 by NGONGE |
Sometimes, the oddest people in the world draw ones attention to habits, traits and mannerisms that one had had for ever but never noticed. Mine was about the way I tend to bounce when I walk!
I was at home, as usual, watching TV and trying not to have a conversation with me wife. She wanted to tell me about a friend of hers who asked for a divorce because she got bored with her husband! Though I was enjoying my TV show; I knew I had to at least pretend to be interested in such a grave subject.
I wondered if there was a moral to this story or if it was just the usual gossip. I really could not take any risks here, so I decided to keep her sweet and offer to make her a cup of tea! Surely nobody could ever get bored of having their own, personal and smiley tea maker!
As I walked to the kitchen to make the tea, I managed to kick a toy that was lying in the floor. Now, normally, if I kicked anything, Id usually kick it a few feet away. This time however, I managed to kick this toy up in the air and break the light bulb in the ceiling!
My wife screeched what did you do that for?
It was an accident, I said. She started muttering to herself. I stopped trying to clear the bits of broken glass and asked her what was her problem! Youre my problem, she said.
Some people, are amazingly slow and naive, but not I. I dont waste time playing games, thrusting and parrying or tying myself in knots. I get to the point straight away. I said to her is this your way of telling me that youre bored and you want a divorce?
Her eyes almost popped out and she looked like she was having a panic attack! Was it all an act, I wondered?
She told me that not only was I clumsy in the way I walked, I, allegedly, am also clumsy in the way I think! I disagreed of course and was shaking my head very vigorously as she continued on telling me off and explaining her reasoning. Youve always been clumsy, she said. Remember the time you stood on that childs foot when we were in the supermarket? Remember the time you kicked that rubbish bin when we were in the library? She continued to cite another half dozen examples, and with every example the shaking of my head decreased until I was finally standing there, very still and thoughtful! Im clumsy, I thought. She is right!
I decided to find a cure for this clumsiness. But first, I had to win this argument. I let her go on for another ten minutes while I thought of a way to fix my problem. I got an idea! (I really would have said that a light bulb had illuminated above my head, but since I already broke the silly thing, there was no need to remind myself of my clumsiness). I decided to tell her that she was WRONG then storm out of the house. This, despite my newly diagnosed clumsiness, would allow me to catch two birds with one stone. On the one hand, my storming out would win me the argument. While on the other, being outside the house would allow me to practise a new safer walk. One that is not clumsy.
My plan was executed to perfection. There I was, slowly storming out of the house and hearing the last few words that she was shouting. Her voice was resigned and had a sad hint of defeat in it that I almost stormed back in and gave her a hug. She was shouting youre a mad and clumsy man, mad and clumsy . I knew I could not go back in or I would lose this argument. It was tunnel vision all the way; the wife is already beaten and now I needed to conquer my other problem.
I was out in the street now. I stood in front of the house thinking of what I should do next. I looked at the street ahead, looked at my feet and decided to try my new walk. I looked at the street ahead once more and a cowboy tune started playing in my head. No, it was not the Lone Ranger. It was the tune of the man with no name. In fact, it was a remix of the tune; there was a hip-hop beat accompanying it! I decided to push my chest out, lift my head up, have my arms by my side and march to the beat. In no time at all, I was bouncing away down the street. A bit of arrogance started to seep through me. I was enjoying that walk and thought to myself that no living human could stand in my way if they saw me walking in such a graceful and manly style. Alas, there was nobody there to revere my walk.
I was not troubled by the lack of spectators. I knew theyd soon appear. I carried on walking my royal walk and dropping my shoulders to the silent beat. I noticed a pair of eyes staring at me! There were no people anywhere but I could still feel the eyes! I panicked! Could it really be that my walk was far too powerful for the poor people? Could they all be hiding in their houses and looking at me through their curtains?
I stopped walking and stood looking around at all the windows of all the houses. I could still feel someone looking at me but couldnt work out where they were. This was very frustrating! Maybe I should call out to them; maybe I should pretend not to notice; maybe I should just walk back home!
I finally caught the culprit. It was a cat! I almost laughed at my silliness. This was nothing but a stray cat. I chuckled loudly and was ready to walk away. But this cat was still staring at me. I looked it straight in the eyes but that didnt phase her. This weird animal was looking right through me. It was as if she knew that I was a fake! I felt guilty and wanted to explain. I then decided that there was no point attempting to explain anything to a cat, I dont speak cat language anyway. I decided instead to confess all by merely nodding my head at the cat. This animal was out to humiliate me! Nodding my head was not enough for her. She wanted me to get down on my knees, confess that my walk was not real and even tell her that Im really a clumsy man! I wanted to rebel and throw a shoe at her, but those hypnotising eyes told me that no matter what I did she knew my secret.
I walked away but the cat was still looking at me. I couldnt walk away! I had to come back and beg her forgiveness and understanding. I still could not speak cat language. I smiled at her and shrugged. It made no difference to the expression on her face! She was looking at me as if I was lower than the lowliest mouse! That cat didnt think much of me. I told myself that it was only a cat, a pet, and an unthinking animal. Her eyes though, were not those of a simple cat, pet or unthinking animal. Her eyes though looking up at me, because of the natural difference in size, were really, looking down at me! I was reduced to the size of a street cat and she took on the size of the lion that used to be me!
I wanted to walk away but she will not let me. I wanted to look away but she wont let me. I didnt know what to do! I was pathetically standing there and my whole body was pleading with this cat to let me go. I almost promised her that Ill be a good boy and would never fake anything again as long as I lived. I was ready to make as many promises as she would ask me to make. I finally shouted what do you want from me? . I heard someone say are you ok, mate? I panicked, turned around and jumped backwards. The man, who asked me that question looked shocked, shrugged and walked away! I quickly turned around again, feeling guilty and worrying what trouble turning my back on this judgmental cat would get me in! The cat got startled and ran away!
Ha! This cat was a fake after all, no wonder we had a connection.
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