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| Another ten minutes - Burnt rubber |
| Posted on 10/12/04 at 10:16 by NGONGE |
Today, on my way to work, I was on another crowded carriage. There has been another signal failure on some line or other. Our carriage was more crowded than usual and I had to suffer the pricking and prodding of my beloved random elbows. I stood there swaying with the crowed but felt no pain or discomfort. My newly acquired love handles and beer gut withstood all that was thrown at me. I sighed with a smile! I frowned. It seems my sigh assisted me in inhaling some of the stale air of the carriage. There was a foul smell floating around! It smelt like feces! I thought most people fart curry or some such food, who the hell farts feces?
I looked around me to see the culprit. Everyone avoided my gaze! Was it a collective fart or were they following normal tube etiquette? The smell was strong. It was irritating. It was nauseating. It was S.H.I.T! I had to get out of this carriage. I had to do it soon. I didnt want to inhale any more of that air. What if my farts started smelling like that? Id kill myself! I decided to hold my breath. I did. I almost fainted. I quickly exhaled and inhaled again (not much this time). I repeated the exercise. I must have been doing it loudly! I noticed that people were moving away and trying to give me some space. Could they think that I was having a panic attack? Maybe I was having a panic attack?
The train got to my station and I pushed my way out very quickly. I ran out of the station and stood outside inhaling as much as I could of the lovely and polluted London air. People were walking past and looking at me strangely. What a nosey bunch of know-nothings! What do they know about the ordeal I just had?
I casually walked to our building and got in the left with four other people. The smell returned! I quickly scanned all their faces to see if I would recognise any from the train. I didnt. I wondered if that smell was following ME around! I wondered if I was being paranoid! I got out the left and went to my office.
After Ive made myself a cup of tea and sat back relaxing and looking forward to the day of work ahead, I noticed that the funny smell was still following me! I told myself that I was paranoid and that there was no smell at all. I convinced myself that this was similar to those occurrences when one has a taste of metal in ones mouth even though one has not been munching on any metal recently. I sat back and ignored the smell. A colleague came in to wish me good morning. After the usual flashing of teeth and fake salutations, he started sniffing the air and asked me if I could smell anything funny! I panicked. Its not like metal at all. Its true! I pretended that I didnt. He said, It smells like burnt rubber in here! I laughed. I was about to shout, not burnt rubber, you fool, it smells like S.H.I.T . I didnt.
He walked off. For the rest of the morning, different colleagues came in and spoke about the burnt rubber smell!
During lunchtime, I left the office and went to the West End. I was going to buy air fresheners and perfume. The burnt rubber smell went with me! I tried on dozens of different perfumes. I was looking for something with a very strong smell. I bought three bottles of brand name perfumes. I walked out the shop smelling like an airhostess. The airhostess smelt of burnt rubber too. I got back to the office and sprayed the perfume in the room. People kept on coming in and still talked about the smell of burnt rubber! This was expensive perfume I was wasting here, what do you mean it still smells of burnt rubber? By now, my nose was totally blocked and I really couldnt tell the difference between perfume and burnt rubber.
It was finally time to go home. This was a very long day. Ill soon be in my own house and get rid of the burnt rubber smell once and for all. I hurried out. Hurried into the train station. Hurried into the carriage. Held my breath. Suffered in silence. Reached my station. Hurried out. Ignored all the buses and ran home.
When I got home, my four-year-old daughter met me at the door. I kissed her and asked her how she was. She replied, Im tired and grumpy . I laughed. I asked her how her sister and brother were; she replied tired and grumpy . I laughed. Today, everyone was tired and grumpy. I too was tired and grumpy but I was home and there was no burnt rubber smells! I took my overcoat off as I was talking to my daughter. She screamed and moved away from me! I panicked. She asked, daddy, did you stand on dog poo today? I took my shoes off and looked at them. So thats where the burnt rubber came from.....
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