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| George's Duck Risotto* |
| Posted on 23/11/04 at 05:06 by George |
Ingredients:
1 duck breast per person, skin on. (or two if you're a fat cunt)
1 handful of risotto rice per person (or two if you're a right fat cunt/have Beadle hands) Use proper risotto rice. Ask a gay if you're unsure.
1 medium onion for every two duck breasts.
1 clove of garlic per duck breast.
1 sage leaf per duck breast
1 pot of stock (about half a litre or so per duck breast) - make it from duck bones and that if you like, but seriously, who has the fucking time? CHicken Ox0, like. Fuck it.
1 big glass of white wine per two duck breasts.
Several big knobs of butter.
Splodge of tomato puree per person.
Handful of freshly grated parmesan for every two people
Several bottles of beer.
Open beer, pour into glass. IF you're cooking it yourself, leave beer by the cooker. If your bird is cooking, hand her this recipe, and go drink the beer in the living room with your free hand down your pants. Begin drinking.
Finely chop the onion. Chop or crush or whatever the garlic so it's small.
Skin the duck breasts - try to keep the skin whole, it should more or less just peel off, bit of knifage might be needed.
Fong the duck skin into a pan with a tiny splash of oil on a medium heat. If you've already thrown the skin in the bin, you're a spastic. Go and get it, and wash it off, or whatever. I dunno, maybe your bin is spotless.
Fry the skin both sides until it's brown and there's a nice old slodge of duck fat in the pan.
Pour another beer. Take the duck skin out of the pan, and give it to the dog, or bin it, or whatever.
Fuck the onions and garlic into the duck fat, maybe lower the heat a bit. Cook until it softens.
Take the duck meat that you've cut into small cubes, like I told you earlier. Fuck it in the pan with the onions, and give it a bit of a brown. Lamp in the sage aswell, chopped up.
When it's brown, horse in the wine, and let it cook through in the wine while the alcohol boils off. Give it the odd stir, you lazy fucker.
After it's reduced down nicely and gone thick, horse in a good knob of butter, and the tomato puree, stir it up, and langer in the rice. Stir really well, coat the rice, and get it good and hot so it crackles nicely.
Lamp in a ladle of the hot stock, that you've had simmering away in another pot all along. Stir it well, and keep stirring until the rice absorbs it. Lash in a few more ladles of stock, and do the same, until that's absorbed. Keep stirring. DON'T FUCKING BURN IT. Your beer is beside you, so you don't need to go anywhere. If you wander off to go interfering with whatever gay bender you have waiting for you in the living room, and you make shite of the thing, don't blame me. Stay there, keep stirring. Add ladles of stock gradually, until the rice is cooked. (Taste a grain or two, it should be soft, but with a little bite to it still). When it's cooked, stop adding stock, and instead, turn off the heat, fuck in the cheese and a knob of butter, stir it in, and cover it.
Leave it for a bit, finish your beer, then whip the lid off, stir it, and serve it up. Piece of piss.
*This is adapted from a book. So if you see it in a book, don't fucking come feckstarring onto the forum going "George didn't make up that risotto thing". Just fuck off with it.
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