1. And lo, there was dwelling in the land of Bel-Fast a man of the Prod-ites, whose name was 'Blue-Stu', which is to say 'The Man who Loves Men'.
2. And Blue-Stu was fearful to look upon and full of years, and his face was strange, and his beard was of red, like unto the Holy pubic hair of Arne-Riise .
3. And Blue-Stu was sore afflicted, so that he could not entice a wife to his bed, but needeth instead many followers to pledge their love to him daily and carry him hither and thither on high after he had spoken His word unto them in a place which is called For-um .
4. Yet Blue-Stu plotted darkly in his heart against the children of For-um, conspiring how he might smite them, and lay them low before him that a woman might see his power and ask for his email address.
5. But Blue-Stu had one problem.
6. For the children of For-um had many wives and children and many advantages above Blue-Stu, even unto the face that is not ugly, and they said unto Blue-Stu "We are not impressed". And Stu said unto them "Look upon me and quake!" and he did show them his likeness. And there was wailing, and there was laughter, and there was crying of women.
7. For thus had revealed the prophet Vegas in ancient chronicles of Rivals, "Blue-Stu is not a true God, he is clearly of the Land of Gay and his teachings false". And the children of For-um did say unto one another "Vegas spoketh true. How can this Gaylord be Blue-Stu our leader?" And Blue-Stu was sore afflicted and did take his image from the Mount of Gall-Ery in shame and cast it into the desert.
8. But that is another story. Albeit a good one.
9. Thus when it came to the smiting, Blue-Stu was struggling. And he plotted to himself and did say "If the foolish children of For-um will not kneel before me as I appear I shall go amongst them with my wisdom and sorteth them right out Sport."
10. So Blue-Stu spake unto the sons and daughters of the Hun-ites, which is the children of For-um, saying unto them Bring forth your views on anything, and I shall showeth you the error of all your ways.
11. For it hath been revealed to me that whosoever doeth this and agree to be bound by my word shall know the Truth and great wisdom shall be revealed unto them and many virgins shall be waiting for them when they return home, even a-gagging for it.
12. This doth not of course apply to the sons of Ire-Land, but you cant have everything.
13. And many sons of the Hun-ites, who were poor and sought guidance, did as they were bidden, and so it came to pass, even as Blue-Stu had foretold, save for the wisdom and virgins bit.
14. And when Vi-alli, a daughter of the Hun-ites, saw what the sons and daughters of For-um had done, she waxed wroth.
15. Boy, did she wax wroth.
16. Then said Vi-alli, Woe unto the Hun-ites, for have I not warned them again and again, like unto the record that playeth despite being broken?
17. Have I not laid waste their egos with the great Bat of Eyelash?
18. And have I not built a mighty army of followers under the warlord Pen-Rod that, when assembled, stands 50 cubits wide and 10,000 cubits long.
19. And still they learneth not the lesson. They come like unto a suckling calf to suck at the teat of false wisdom. Woe that Blue-Stu is so great a teat.
20. For it is many years that I have smitten the Hun-ites, the Rivals-ites, the even the Lawyers-ites and all the other -ites in vain.
21. So the time hath come to try an new approach I shall smite them even harder.
22. And so Vi-alli rose early and girdeth up her loins - such as they were - and did march unto For-um with her followers as vanguard. And close behind her did walk the warrior Koll-Er, yet his love for Vi-alli overfloweth and he did explode.
23. And thus did the children of Vi-alli seek out Blue-Stu, even as he was at his prayers, giving thanks for the number of images of the Lord Totti now available to His disciples on-line.
24. And they slew him with the words "Lo! You look like unto Curley that dwelleth in the land of Coronation-Street, only red of beard.", along with any men, women, children and Demons made of Sawdust who happened to be standing nearby. And when she saw this Vi-alli rejoiced and the heart of Vi-alli exulteth at this slaughter.
25. This will teach the Hun-ites a lesson they will never forget, she saith.
26. Yet, on the third day after the battle, Blue-Stu rose up anew, and, lo, the sons of the Prod-ites rose up in their twos, even their tens of twos, and crieth aloud, Woe unto Vi-alli and the Hun-ites . We will teach them a lesson such as they will never forget.
27. Then they went forth to seek out the children of For-um, that they might slay them by impostering the prophet Mar-lowe.
28. And thus yet again did the land of For-um return to the square that is called 'one'. (Continued to the end of time or the Day of Judgement, which ever shall be the sooner.)
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